How to clean your house. Lessons learned.

Here's what I've learned about how to clean a house on Diwali, rather for it :
1. You can never ever get ahead of the laundry. As long as you wish to be hygienic, there will always be something.
2. Dust can get into crockery EVEN IF IT IS BEHIND A GLASS CABINET WHICH IS NEVER OPENED! And that shit never just dusts away,no no, you have to wash everything with soap n water! Makes me want to eat off leaves and drink from my palms!
3. Dust is the enemy. Not religion or politics or corruption, just dust. Get it off of everything and you are going places!
4. When you finish cleaning one section of the house, and then proceed to another, be aware that by the time you are done with the latter, the former will be wanting cleaning again owing to DARK MAGIC. It is the evil in the world mocking you for mocking It.
5. The people you PAY to clean your house clearly dont do their job well so that's something to think about. I mean if i wanted to hover and make you clean I'd just do it myself! So I did!
6. Better to use your fancy China every single day. If it breaks then what the hell. One less dish to dust come Diwali.
7. Be sure to have a handy set of sitcoms on your lappy or hard drive to keep you cheered up because lemme tell you, you are bound to go into a rage once you see just how much work is there even with a maid!
8. The people you hire to clean stuff like fans or in my case cobwebs (I can't, where will the spiders go?) Won't do a halfway decent job. They will work in the evening after their usual shift and you won't be able to see clearly and you'll think oh good job and this is with your husband watching and agreeing (and he can spot dirt a mile away). The next morning, you will see the crap is mostly still where it was.
9. The nice news is the spiders are pretty tough little buggers. They come back!
10. Try not to fly off the handle when your mom mocks you over the fone saying hahaha I'm all done cos I do it myself everyday anyway! You should do it too. Yeah right.
11. If your little toes are fractured, it is not a good idea to kick the vaccum cleaner repeatedly when it pisses you off. Screen you Eureka Forbes. You sold us crap in a can.
12. Throw out all clothes (donate)that you haven't worn in the past year or ever! Detach from your worldly material possessions (except your books).
13. Keep at it. Come the festival of lights, feel satisfied and go to McDonald's. You deserve it.