Before we were married, my (now) husband and I were together for around 8 yrs. We saw people meet in front of us, get married in front of us and we hoped we would wed too, someday. Prior to our wedding, we were constantly informed about how difficult marriage is, how many compromises there are to be made, how the initial years are lousy and filled with strife and so on and so forth. Somehow, we were not discouraged, we paid little, if any heed to such dire warnings. We believed we would be happy together. We held on to this belief, no matter what and ultimately, we were proven right. So far anyway.
I see so many young people divorcing. Preferring to live in as opposed to marry. And I genuinely understand that. Marriage comes with a lot of expectations. From people you barely know. And there is the same expectation from your side as well. Expectations ruin relationships. But more than that judgment does the job. Indian sons in law are treated like Gods, no less. Indian Daughter in laws are not. Quite the opposite, in fact. It is harder to watch your husband be treated like a king by both sets of parents.
You are nowhere, really. In your in laws house, you become a villain who has created distances, literal and otherwise, between your husband and his parents, his sister, his entire family. As the Daughter in law you become quite perplexed as to what it is you have done. Despite putting your husband and his entire family first, even above your own self, you are outcast. Blocked. It hurts. To have no one to share this with. To not have the will to continue doing anything for people who's first judgment about you is usually negative and sequestered within their selves until it all comes out in a torrent one fine day and you are left stunned. No matter how much you love and care it is not enough.
It is harder still when your parents live abroad and your passport has expired and been rejected for renewal because you don't have the necessary documents because, in essence, you belong nowhere. Sometimes a hug from your mom or dad is what you want but can't have.
What makes me continue?
It is my husband and the million little things he says or does (mostly does, given that he is a man of few words).
The way he makes me a cup of tea when I feel like one.
The way he tries, desperately, to warm my hands and feet with his own, usually warm ones.
The way he comes and joins me in he kitchen and gives me a hug or a kiss when I cook
The way he eats and appreciates everything i make for him.
The way he encourages me.
"why aren't you writing anymore babe?"
"because its all coming out sad."
"that will change. Keep writing"
The way he tells me to put myself first, take time out to go run because I really want to. That it's ok even if i can't cook that day or any others.
The way he plays with our dog.
The way he thinks me reading is amazing.
The way he cuddles with me on the couch weekend after weekend watching movies and eating good food, homemade or otherwise
The way he agreed to try sushi and even liked it.
The way he understands everything I feel without me having to say anything.
The way he laughs
The way he suddenly looks at me and says I'm cute.
The way he gets anxious about what to get me for my birthday. And how relieved he is when i tell him exactly what I want.
The way he helps me make the bed, clean the house, sort the laundry. Cos i am a terrible housekeeper.
The way he lets me pick out weekend snacks because I follow a strict diet during the week.
There are a million little things. The way he helps me tie my shoelaces because mine come undone.
Marriage is fun. You have someone. And the legality of it leaves no on in any doubt as to who you are, no matter how you are treated. In your husband's eyes, you are his life partner. That means a lot more than most people complaining about marriage seem to understand. Imagine having a best friend with whom you can be exactly yourself. That's what marriage is. You really just need to love each other and trust each other. Yes I'm too young. But I'm right.
No comments:
Post a Comment